I'M WISHING YOU THE BEST

Yeah you'll never definitely read this grandma. Because I'm much of a coward to inform you about my gratitude and love, for I have swerling fear of the unknown reaction you will give and inexperience about this. Still, I keep my mind not drowned in negative thoughts but positive ones in hopes you will spiritually feel the love I have for you and your soul. During the moments I reach my arms out to be held, the mind longs for you. I'm sorry, I've lied to you and I wanna make it up to you. I don't want our times together not filled with honest joy and integrity, I wish for us to have good memories. I hope you live long enough, please. I hope you will spend time together with the me who will provide for you, pay off all your dept, live in a house that's not easy to be filled with ants and water that is always available. I make this as a letter of manifestation and prayer to the divine for me to not show off, but for a woman to finally be given what she fully deserves. It's not fair, I want to give to her, I want to help her, I don't want to be a burden to her. Could you please spare me some more time? Could you please multiply the time she's supposed to be on this earth? I am begging you, I will surrender, I am willing to kneel and taste someone's shoe, anything but being associated with evil. I want my grandma to look at a seaside view in her mansion, clean as early born snow and living area as healthy as the sheep in the bible. I am willing to sacrifice myself as a person for her to get what I am destined for. The divine, you plan a good reward for me no? I plead for my grandma to be taken care of with the reward planned, I hope my fear and doubt will be released. I love her, platonically. She took care of me even not forever, she is the good influence in my life, my parents can rot away nowhere good. Grandma is the one trying, not them.